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Sunday, July 30, 2017

Angel

All that she is she is not. And in death she is finally free. Through failure she is alive.

With clipped wings. She can no longer fly. An angel fallen. Who will save her. This light diminished. She is bereft.

Bring her diamonds. Let her glitter. Wrapped in tulle.  Gentle is her breath. A whisper of wind in flight.

She is earth. Wisps of sand scattered wayward. Bound to nothing her soul uncaged.

Stars beckon. She wanders across the night sky needing to shine.

In death she escapes. Pity and sorrow. From haste and worry she survives. What is broken earthen. A spirit lifted to the heavens where she may slowly exhale.

Divinity in loosened chains. She clings to noone. New joy in the release of burden.

This angel. Lives in hope. The shadows of mercy. She is forsaken.

Thursday, July 27, 2017

Inside Out

There but for the sake of his pride she wanders into darkness.
This world I see through eyes unlearned.
Misshapen, time weary.
Fatigued.
What I saw I was.
Emulating who I knew you wanted me to be.
Chameleon. Fraud.
Inside she is truth.
Genuine to herself.
Hidden. Unexplored.
Eyes wide open. Beauty and peace in freedom.
Her story rewritten.
Rested from this deep slumber she awakens.
Inside out.
She is art.

Sunday, July 23, 2017

Temporary

Happiness is temporary. Captured pockets of joy. Filling you. Making you smile. Euphoria as it penetrates you filling you completely. As the sun awakens filling the sky with glorious light it rises powerful mighty. Darkness returns silencing every color letting free little pieces of light in its wake.

My heart longing for normalcy. Seeking fulfillment. Wanton to discover some happiness. It will be lost when the sun shines welcoming the morrow. Just a few moments more of his smile his touch. Memories faded with time.

Ever changing. Who is this girl? Was she ever loved or simply a fleeting moment in your life. Carefree unweighted her soul transcended to a new universe where she could be everything she wanted. You caused this. You lifted her made her whole and left her broken. There were no promises. You cannot take back what you never gave. Her fragile heart shattered hidden bereft of light no one will ever know.

She is surrounded by people. Her voice alive in her stories her songs. Her eyes alight. She walks strong amongst the living bearing no witness to what lay dormant beneath the veil. This is all temporary. Tomorrow she will rise and dance. She will seek the sun. Love her children. One step further from what had finally betrayed her was stole from her. From this she moves onward. Fragmented. She may never be whole again.

Unfiltered by society’s poison she refuses to still her brain with tainted reality. Manufactured bliss. She would rather feel. Every sound touch sorrow presses upon her snatching her breath stealing her slowly tearing her into pieces. This is only temporary.

Who is this girl if not your friend your lover your daughter. Is she enough when she looks towards the mirror. Who stands behind her as she stares blankly ahead? Is this only temporary?

Saturday, July 15, 2017

What do I say

There are no words. I crumble. This heart so broken. Denied of what makes sense. Filled with shame. Frightened. Who is she now? She comes from no one. All that defined her gone. Daughter. Wife. Mother. She is lost.

Peek inside. There is no happiness. Her life a façade. This game she plays. Tell me who I am today. Chameleon. Master of disguise. The great pretender. She is no one. Empty.

This machine. A fairy tale. The house where she lived a nameless street passing time. This dream. She belongs to no one. Does she matter I wonder. Who claims this lost soul.

Borne of seed. Nurtured. Coveted. Beloved. Who is she now? Who kisses this salty tear or holds her hand tightly in sleep. Who beholds her beauty in wonderment and awe? Her tangled hair moist with fallen tears lay in tendrils about a dampened pillow.

An overhead fan whirs gently beckoning her further into sleep. A troubled mind fraught with fear. Who stands with her keeping her strong helping her to breathe and giving her comfort?

She sits alone quite. Uncertain in the face of the unknown. Who loves this girl – who loves this girl?

Monday, July 10, 2017

Afloat

She smiles. Unreachable.
Hidden.
In plain sight. Alone.
Captain. Her ship empty.
Anchored. Shoreless.

She loves. Unnoticed.
Lost.
In murky waters. Weightless.
Empty. She hungers.

She is. Awakened.
Glory.
Victor. Champion of her destiny.
Freedom. At last.

Saturday, July 8, 2017

Legacy

Her story. Last word. Written for all to see. To judge. Who she loved. Lost. Mourned. Her accomplishments. Strengths. Remembered.

Who was she really? Things she kept. Those she trusted. Laughed with. Cried with. Held hands. Shared passion. Who she fucked. Her first lover. Her last. Memories.

Greatest loss. Deepest fear. Regrets. Her many mistakes counted by who. Tallied.

All she owned. Trinkets and things. Fighting hordes like beggars wanting a piece. Tin and gemstones. Dollars divided.

I want not her thousands nor her jewels. I want her smile. Her long hair gently caressing my cheek as she bends close to whisper I love you in my ear. I want to lay quietly at dusk tucked beneath her favorite quilt straining to hear the lilt of her voice. I wish we could have laughed together one last time. I want so badly her hand in mine looking past the aged crinkles around her eyes her mouth. I wish I could take all of her pain unto me. She deserves peace.

Cloaked in the color of darkness I pray. Teardrops bleed from eyes lowered. There is no comfort no joy. Loss unimaginable.

Who was she really? Daughter. Wife. Sister. Mother. Friend. God’s gift. An angel renews a life everlasting taken from this earth. Who she loved. Mourned. Missed. Forever in this heart. Her legacy.


Yes

Wake up. Shout. Scream to the masses. This is who I am. I am enough. Take me. Leave me. Anything else collateral damage. Immaterial. It is me who creates my universe and I must first love myself.

With belief I can create magic. Climb mountains. Through me you can live in my light. My strengths shine bright. The eagle soars her path her own. Revel in her beauty. To feel the love of one who believes is Truth.

When you know you are worthy the world will too. Self is power. Mighty is her sword. Girl got swagger. Girl got game. Play by her rules.

Thursday, July 6, 2017

At last

This plan.  Far from perfect. But it exists. Goals within grasp. Trepidation seeded in new soil. Its birth takes root but needs sun and rain to nurture.  Comfort drawn in the unlikely. Shelter in the strong.  You become who you need to be to survive. In belief courage spreads its wings. Possessor of my own verdict. Exonerated from those who decry my desires I choose this.

Fruition is borne of idea. Life spreads its wings evolution.  There is no miracle only perseverance. Let it be. Whose voice is this? This shoulder I lay my worried head upon is thine.  I am the keeper of my destiny. Wisdom is borne of trial and error. This joy. Exultation at all she claims.

My story written. A path divergent. Would he know her now want to see who she has become? Beauty defines every step forward. She glows with anticipation. She has seen truth in pain. Fear not what you have experienced. All she has done inspires this. She will not be felled. She is. At last.

Tuesday, July 4, 2017

for now

Our worlds apart. Safe in your arms. Your kiss surrendered as we lay breast to breast. I am wary of what I do not know. This what excites me frightens me. Fragile I hold gently afraid it may shatter. This bubble is not real. You said you will leave. I wait.

In mind we are in kind. Souls locked understanding. We feel deeply riding the ebb of this passion. United in spirit. Our connection true in the cloak of darkness. Will it survive the light. I bleed.

You cannot say what I need want to hear. Your past burdens this path. Everybody leaves. This too shall pass. Your words. Your fears. Take only this moment. Will two hearts break. A square peg and cocaine lollipop.

Monday, July 3, 2017

make a wish

She is awake.  Finally.  This life ended.  Stillness. Her heart silent.  It beats for no one.

Do you remember her?  Her smile bright easy.  Who mourns this lost soul or cries for her.  Do you miss what you could not understand?  Perhaps you could not see. Misguided she was lost.  Parts of her missing.

Did you see her?  She saw nothing.  No way out.  There was no hope only pain.  Real pain.  Tears unshed.  Her armor strong.  Her will unbroken. She laughed.  She danced.  The audience loved her.  Her performance brutal honest.  We admired her strength. 

A rose wilted.  Her petals stained torn.  Her light diminished.  She felt unloved truly loved by no one.  Her branches heavy.  Windswept her leaves fell gently to the dampened soil her roots exposed.  To whom was she connected.  Her wings clipped.

Her uncaged self, soars.  Begging freedom across the clear sky kissing the wind with lips so pure.  He forgives her.  He knows her pain her sorrow.  This world too big.  She takes breath.  She takes flight this momentum borne of her fragility.  She is an eagle.  At peace she returns home.

Who mourns for her I wonder. Her story alive.  Crimson tarnishes the wood beneath her. Finally at peace.  Stillness.  This heart silent.  This soul released.  Her breath gentle upon the dandelion seeds to carry her wishes home and set her free.    

Sunday, July 2, 2017

Her Freedom

She tells no one.  She is simply lost.  Her mind unfocused deliberate chaos.  This mountain she climbs.  Steals her breath.  She is so tired.  Angst at what will be.  Her burdens freed.  There is no fix.  Her soul battered weary.  Her soul cries for release.  All things small heavy she is weighted.  There is freedom in the horizon.  There is no new.  Her chains broken marring her fragile skin.
Tethered to no one she stands alone rootless.  She mourns this future knowing it must be.  She desires simply self.  Know her.  Let her dance. 

Children weep.  They do not understand.  They shout at her.  Coward.  Their bonds released. They pretend.  Their tears unshed.  Cast into the murky waters she fights for light for breath.  Their stones thrown deep.  She is alone.

All she was she discards.  She is without self.  Her choices fresh this territory undiscovered.  Who hears her when she cries laments her troubled heart.  She has bled a thousand deaths needing her truth.  Never worthy.  Her life was his life and her story their protection.  Her shouts unheard.  Her pain unfelt.  
  
Her joy anew.  She whispers each day a new blessing.  Forgive her this pain she brings. Understand she needed to be saved.  Freedom comes at this cost.  Her smile formed with thine tears. A heart uncaged remains broken.  Set her free.  Will this new world be enough giving her what she believes she wants what she desires.  A life ordinary blessed.  A life finally hers.