Inside Out

I miss someone being proud of me.  I am an enormous puddle of goo a reveler of the fist bump and atta boy.  I crave the kudo and acknowledgement needing to know I made the grade, the cut or the inner circle.  A people pleaser with zero boundaries I needed his approval your checkmark any gratuity showing interest or reward. 

Bereft of the parental bond as I shift into a new role being my mother’s caretaker and orphaned of my father I at last recognize that my shine comes from within.  I owe myself the accolades and the pat on the back.  It is my opinion that drives self-worth and it will be my self-talk I embrace each morning in the mirror instilling a swoon-worthy confidence in myself.

And delivering the best version of me a role model most certainly to my daughters for whom I stand tall on my own pulpit preaching their value telling them to own that shit.  Dazzle the world with your brilliance and simply do not give the proverbial fuck when someone just does not see what you see or who will judge you for what you are or are not.  Your voice will strengthen with every kind word and get louder with each compliment as you learn what you bring to this world and to those who matter.

My father placed monetary value on external behaviors rewarding me falsely telling me what I was worth – his terms for my achievements.  It is a new normal a new way for me to see and change how I see me.  Taking responsibility for your happiness, owning your failures and choosing your path.  You set the bar. You raise the bar.