I want to be liked. I feel joy when I have your full attention. I am what my father referred to with disdain a people pleaser. With one noticeable exception when I was living his lies in his world being his puppet dancing to his pulpit I was dutiful. I hate conflict. I am a soother of frayed nerves a mender of hurt souls. If you are kind I am in your pocket because quite frankly I see only the best in everyone forgiving and never challenging. A bubble of pretense with glass floors, I was stifled and led by fear of what you might take away so I gave what I thought you wanted or needed so I could get what I so desperately craved.
The ability to shout from the rooftops what I really think and for you to be ok and know that our relationship was not tethered to a solid yes-man deliverance. Challenge is only fodder for conversation with depth and meaning. I want truth and loyalty. I need kindness. I have exchanged trivialities empty of meaning or truth or loyalty. Take this moment to get to know the real me – what I believe in and who I root for, what makes me smile and what makes me weep what will you decide then? Who is the girl behind the laughter? Will you like her I wonder?
I am a chameleon. I blend. I am that girl you may not quite recall because I live on the precipice of conformity. I know what I like and know emphatically who I am and will never be anything other than just that but I will not defend nor raise war flags to claim my voice. I am not on a hilltop but in the foothills a silent soldier. I work hard. I love fiercely. I hurt too easily. I am the great pretender.